Last Friday (12/14/12) their was a shooting in Connecticut that took 24 lives. 18 of those lives were children. All between the ages of 6-10 years old. I know I blogged about the incident but I thought I'd blog about my personal feelings. I have children of my own all between those ages so I grieved with all those mothers that lost their children. Any mother can feel their pain. Since my children were born it was always just my husband and I raising them. While they were young we did live w/ my in laws until my oldest was 5 and then we moved to Utah. All we have is our kids! And all my kids have is us! We live close to my best friend so my kids have their cousins to grow up with. Of course with all my cousins and their children they have them as well. But really we don't do much but keep to ourselves. Now that I'm a mother I wonder if my parents knew what kind of child I was. I know they knew the obvious like me being goofy etc. but I really wonder if they knew what type of personality I had. What makes me mad, happy or sad. What kind of clothes I liked and toys I'd rather play with? With my own children I am proud to know them the way I do.
Kimani has a very big heart. In fact all my children do. Kimani reminds me of his father in so many ways. He looks just like his dad and has his sense of humor too. He is very independent and has such a good head on his shoulders. The main reason why I can rely on him so much. Jude and I go to work early in the morning so we have to be out of the house by at least 6:30 am. The kids school don't start until 8:40 am. We wake our kids up when we leave and have them get ready, clean a little bit and relax. They are to leave by 8 am so they can walk to school and make it in time for breakfast. My son Kimani is the one with the alarm, phone and house key. They haven't missed school this entire year. Well only Kimani missed one day but that's because he was complaining about a headache. I of course was home to take the kids to school and had him stay home w/ me. Did I mention my son is only 11? I can't tell you how much he helps us. To know that we can rely on my son that way is priceless. He has no idea how much we appreciate him. Although he has his argumentative ways and feels he has to have the last word he will own up to his actions most of the time. He's hit hitting his teen years so voicing his opinion has happened often already. I know I raised him well so I'm not worried he'll take it too far. I know kids can get like that. lol It used to be hard to get the girls and myself ready in the morning so I started getting their clothes ready the day before and I would braid the girls hair so they wouldn't fuss w/ it in the morning. Besides, my son complained they would take long in the morning just to put it up in a pony tail. We all have learned how to make things work and we have the best team work ever. I love my kids.
Keanu was always mamas boy since he was a baby. I can't say so much now because he developed a love for video games and shares the same interest w/ his father so they spend a lot of time together. Keanu has always been so emotional. I never really thought of it that way but he over reacts all the time. I thought it was just when he played video games and he was competitive but it's for everything. It could be Kamerin sitting a certain way and as her big brother scolds her to sit right. When he was a baby he was very protective of his siblings. He was always misunderstood too. When he started talking he would try to voice his requests but ended up pointing to what he wanted. I don't want my son to grow up being misunderstood and would like him to calmly deal with things. He's not out of control or anything but I can see how controlling he can be. I don't know if there's a such thing as "caring too much" but that may just be his problem. He's a very passionate kid so he takes every thing so seriously. He definitely will always be my baby boy no matter what though. Over all he has so much potential and great qualities about him that I know he'll go far in life.
Kamerin which was my first baby girl is also a very emotional girl. She has a hard time letting us know her true emotions. She could be crying her eyes out and will not let us know why. It is very frustrating because no one wants to see their child cry but we are trying to work on that with her. It's a good thing her siblings know most of the time what's going on to tell us why she's upset or sad. On the other hand she can talk your ear off. I know it sounds ironic but I think she harbours so much guilt when she thinks she's gonna get in trouble that she just feels safer not saying what is the matter. She is the one to watch out though. She lashes out when she is mad and I feel sorry for who gets in her way. Her sister has seen that side too many times. I was so mad when I seen her beat up her sister the way she did over something petty. My youngest daughter may act like a princess but she can sure take a hit. lol She pushes all her siblings buttons just for giggles. That one I tell you is something else. Kamerin is such a tom boy. She is most comfortable in loose clothes like basketball shorts or sweats. She hates wearing anything too flashy, glittered or plain girly. I don't mind it at all because it makes her tough. She deals with things so emotionally that I encourage her when she wants to play football or climb trees. It makes her venture out ya know! :) Kamerin is also very bright. She loves to read and draw. She's very artistic. Since she was 3 she would look at something and mimic it w/ her pencil. It was awesome. Her pre school teachers raved about her artistic ways. Though she comes off as snippy sometimes because she uses her intellect to her advantage. But that's Kamerin for you.
Keleece, my youngest baby of the bunch. She loves and gives with all her heart. She may annoy her siblings on purpose but they can always count on her to come through for them. She can be lazy in her studies and chores but all you have to do is talk her into the groove. The other kids, I have to spank them to make them get on it. I don't have any shame in saying that either. lol My daughter Keleece is a very funny, sarcastic girl. She can be such a ditz. Everyone that knows me says she looks and acts just like me. That reason alone makes me worried! LOL I'm kidding. She loves to dance, sing and play. She is the least shy out of all my kids and I love that about her. My kids may not seem shy to most because they do things that are out going. Like paint their faces for my cousins game, wear the most funniest Halloween costumes most kids would hate to wear or dress up crazy for those "backwards, crazy hair etc. days" they have at school. The only reason my kids do it is because I ask them to. I like unique, spontaneous and funny ideas so my kids are so awesome to let me incorporate my ideas through them. They end up liking the idea or adding on to it anyway. I don't "ALWAYS" embarrass them. hahahahahaha They'll have memories and laugh or smile about it. Not to mention my husband being the same way kind of makes things worse for them but seriously we have good intentions and never make them do something they absolutely don't want to do! lol
My point in describing my kids is this. I don't have my parents in their lives and I hate knowing they are missing out on being in their grandparents lives. I have made a vow to be there for my children no matter what. Whether it's every night on their bed doing our "pillow talk", consoling them, helping each other understand one another or simply loving each other. We have been through everything "TOGETHER". I will never take back my struggles because it has made my kids appreciate every single thing they have. It's been
too many times my oldest son will worry about our gas and bills. Even went as far as letting his friend borrow his game for $5 so he can give us gas money. My car is such a gas guzzler! ): I try not to talk about our financial struggles in front of my kids or to them but I don't know how else to tell them they can't have something they want. I only know I try to be honest. Simple answer is "Sorry we don't have money". It has taught them the value of money but I hate that it makes them worry at times. I never intend to burden them.
I always try to tell them why bills have to be paid and what's important is they live under a roof w/ heat and food. But that's just their loving nature.
I have thanked the Lord countless times of choosing me to be their mother. They are the blessings in my life that I am in debt to the Lord for. My soul mate/husband and children is who I will always be thankful for. I couldn't have asked anyone else to share my life with. With that said what has happened in Connecticut is devastating. My kids mean the world to me and to know they would have lost their lives that way and so soon would break my heart. My daughters went to Cap Head Start (preschool) in South SLC back in 2009 and a woman came to their school to shoot her daughter in law which was my kids teacher. She unfortunately died. The fact that this woman went to the school during the weekend when they had a meeting and there was no school was a blessing for me. I don't know what I would have done had she done that senseless act while the kids were in school. My girls took it pretty hard. I didn't even know how to help them through it because I was just as sad. Kamerin would bury her head in a pillow and cry when she thought about her teacher. Keleece would whale out remarks like "I'm gonna miss her" when she cried. I did make them draw pictures to cope because I know they both enjoy drawing and find peace when they do. It worked. They eventually moved on and seldom talk about their horrific tragedy. They do however bring up their teacher when they hear about death so seeing those children die at the Sandy Hook Elementary School hit home for me.
I thank my Heavenly Father every day for continuing to watch over my children. It is because of him I get to hold their small hands and watch their hands fit in mine perfectly. It is because of him I get to see them smile and brighten my day. It is because of him I hear their laughter spread through the house like music. It is because of him I get to hug them and feel not only their arms around me but their love. It is because of him I see their father's traits, features and personality and is reminded of Gods plan for me. It is because of him I HAVE BEEN CHOSEN to be their mother.
RIP to the little angels and staff who lost their lives at Sandy Hook Elementary school in Connecticut. The heavens welcome those babies and hero's.
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