I wasn't prepared to lose my mother!

It's been a rough year for me and I am ready to write about my experience losing my beautiful mother. I'm not sure I can get through this because I'm already finding myself pausing just to take a breath. Well, March 30, 2014 on Sunday my mother took her last breath. I made my ticket to see her that same week Tuesday and I wish I could have been there earlier to hold her hand and kiss her goodbye. I just left her 2 weeks prior and I couldn't believe how fast her condition got worse. As long as my mom had been fighting this horrible disease cancer I wasn't prepared to lose her. I tried to bring myself to make things come to reality for me but I just couldn't bare it. We tried talking to my mom about her wishes and I can't imagine how hard it was for her to talk about her own funeral.

 Only way I can cope was to live day by day. What I would do to be back in her room talking stories, running her errands and laughing with her. She was my best friend. We've had our feuds and even when she was sick we fought. I hated when she'd push me away and tell me she hated me for leaving her every time I went back home. It was so hard for me to hear her say that. I had a job and a family to tend to and I tried to make wise decisions. My health wasn't great either so I really needed to take a break. 

I'm so grateful for my family and what sacrifice they endured with me. My husband was awesome helping me get through this and I can't thank him enough. I knew I could count on him and I can't repay him enough for what he has done for me and my family. He never complained and any request I had he made it happen. I love him so much! My children have also been great. They knew the importance of being on their best behavior so things went smooth. When I had to care for my mom they begged me to stay cause they missed me but after praying together and having them understand how much I needed to be there for my mom they were able to understand. 

As for my moms funeral it was beautiful. Her favorite color was purple. I kept asking her the entire time through the process of planning her funeral if we were doing things right. I wanted everything to be perfect and one thing I was able to gather was an old facebook inbox message she wrote me one day when she was depressed. She explained what she wanted us to wear to her funeral which was basically purple. It didn't dawn on me until we were looking for something to wear to the funeral. I swear my mom was there with me. 

My niece and my moms oldest grandchild was pregnant with twins and how fitting was it that she went into labor on the day my mother was burried and had them the next day. Levi Emmanuela Kata-Heimuli 6 lbs 9 ozs, Liam Asolelei Kata-Heimuli 7 lbs 5 ozs and both 19 inches! Fighting the tears posting this one because my niece loved her grandma so much. I know she wanted my mom to meet them but I know she did in Heaven. These little angels were such a blessing.