Thinking about my daddy.....

I've been feeling anxious lately & can't wrap my finger around it. I keep thinking of my dad & I suddenly become sad to the point where I think I'm getting sick. I called him today & left him a message to let him know I was thinking of him. He's in Samoa right now, I believe. Haven't spoken to him since June! I've been having issues lately w/ his wife so I've been a lil' distant from him. It's funny how I suddenly think of him when I'm feeling down. As if he were here spiritually helping me through it. I've been on such a rocky road lately. I thought I could go cold turkey w/ my smoking but ended up back at it again. I just can't seem to blow my steam any other way. I blame stress & everything else for my reason for smoking but I do it when I'm stressed etc. so it only makes sense to.

Today, I ended up reading all my old blogs and my prayer journal has failed in so many ways. Here's some of the things I prayed for and did notice were answered. I prayed my kids would stay close to the lord & w/ their grandpa passing & him being a deacon in the catholic church is what made the entire family more in tuned w/ the lord. My kids spending the whole summer out there w/ my in laws made them even closer to God. One thing I am most thankful for. I of course took them to church & instilled many great morals but I'm glad I got a lil' help. I prayed for my aunty's health to be restored and she's doing great! My husband isn't so fixated on all the worldly hype w/ the New World Order type stuff. Some of the things I asked for myself hasn't really come in to play yet. I don't even have an excuse for it either. I hate that I'm practically even sitting here writing about it as if I couldn't fix it. But because I'm in no mood to explain my stupid actions I feel like a prayer is needed.

Heavenly Father,

Forgive me for asking you for guidance and not accepting you in my life entirely, help me figure out what I need to do here on earth for myself & my family. Help me understand the path you paved for me. If there is any time I could make things better in my life please make it right now. If time is much to ask for and you give me obstacles to overcome first, help me believe I needed it that way. Forgive me for all my sins. Please hear my cry when I need you most because even you can be someone I can vent to. Bless my words & thoughts. Bless my fathers wife for she seems blinded to me by the unimportant things in life. Through the bickering & misunderstandings between her and I, I am at peace to include her in my prayers. Thank you for reminding me to pray for my enemies. I apologize for judging, easily being angered & being stressed out for words spoken by her, because I know you taught me to "Love one another". Thank you for teaching me everything I know today for it helps me cope a lot better. Bless my father most importantly because he's been on my mind. Please Give me hope & faith that he is okay. Lord know I love you and appreciate you. If it's not much to ask for please direct my attention to my family only. All the lil' things I let bother me are coming over me & I need you. I know you're here for me always but I'm finding it hard to listen to your still small voice. Thank you for helping my aunty Ika & Vea through their health issues. I need them here on earth a lot longer Lord. Goes for all my loved ones. I know you also need your angels here on earth but I feel like I haven't accomplished a relationship satisfying enough. Bless Jude & I as we work so we may stay motivated for our children well being. Bless our strength & patience & help us create a constant loving environment for our children. Bless me in the struggles I have w/ communicating w/ my children when I become stressed. Confirm my motherhood duties daily, for you have given me the opportunity to raise them. Give them a voice as well so I may know what I am doing wrong & fix it. Please help me give more hugs, more kisses, more encouragement, support & love to my family. Help me teach them by example so I may follow you Lord. Please continue to give ME hugs & kisses from my children because they remind me of you every day. Bless my family near and far. My sisters, mother, nieces & nephews. Bless my niece as she is in college. Please keep your whispers w/ her always. Bless my sister Lepa in school as well so she may stay focused & continue to study hard. Bless her in her travels & in her daily motherhood routine. Bless Ligi w/ her sports & school. Bless my sister Lei & Mel w/ their families so they may know I miss them dearly and is always thinking of them. Thank you for all that you have done for me & my family. Most of all thank you for listening to me Lord, because I know theirs probably more important prayers out there.

I say these things humbly in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen!