XFACTOR

With my new job I've been able to see my family more. 9/15/2013 I flew out to Long Beach, California to spend a couple days with my twin. One of the events I had planned was going to the XFACTOR show. With 4 tickets I invited her sister in law Sami and my sister in law Gloria. 

It was so much fun!

Although I wasn't feeling up to par I made the best out of it. The most exciting part of the trip was being able to see my nieces and nephews. Since they had school I didn't have much time with them. I miss them so much and any time with them is good enough for me! 

“Tears are words that need to be written”

When someone you love passes away all you have left is memories. Memories that seem painful to think of because you know you can't make more. Mac Manu is my sisters kids fathers nephew. We pretty much grew up with Mac. When he entered high school I was surprised at how grown he had become. I took him under my wing in a sense and me being a senior and him a freshman he really liked the idea of hanging out with me. lol He would ask me every break and lunch for something. Whether it be a cookie or a full on lunch. I was always a sucker for him cause besides my sister and cousin he was the only guy I could call family. I always refered to him as my son. I'm still in shock that he's gone! I hate it!

One of the great memories I have is wrestling with him. As small as he was he always insisted on trying to wrestle with me. It seemed to amuse him that he can slam me on the floor and I could take it. Of course I was a tom boy back in the days so it wasn't uncommon to see me wrestling, playing football etc. When I was trying to impress my boyfriend (who is now my husband) back in the days, he thought it would be funny to tackle me. We were all on the beach and I was seriously trying to look cute in my lil' ie lava lava and he tackles me and I face planted the sand. Yeah OUCH! It was so embarrassing and my husband looked at me confused like am I supposed to beat this guy up or help him up? He just tackled my girlfriend! hahahahaha When I bursted out in laughter he knew that we were playing around. I must have got up and gave him the stink eye and he walked away like it never happened. I always laugh about that memory because only Mac could do that to me and would do that!

He was spontaneous. He had so much energy and always a pleasure to be around. He had an infectious smile and the biggest heart. Everyone is hurting because he will be missed. How he passed away was by him trying to live a honest living. He wasn't shot he was ran over. It really blows!  He was a tow truck driver so being in that kind of business to help others was so him. When he went to assist someone with a flat tire a drunk driver swerved and hit Mac head on. He was dead immediately. Lord took him but made sure he went quick and didn't suffer. It's so sad and I hate talking about it now. I can't imagine how his wife, his babies, his parents and siblings are all feeling. But I pray they be strong.

I have always made it a must to say "I love you" to my husband and children. I realize how powerful and important those words are. Life is definitely unpredictable and too short. I don't know where I would be had this tragedy happen to me. I pray for all those that mourn. If there's anything I take from this is "DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE!" I am guilty of doing this once or twice before, back when I was young and stupid. I think to myself  I only had a few beers and I should be okay. I will never make excuses for myself again because no life is worth my ignorance. I'll see you in heaven Mac. Save me a spot! I love you! 

Day he left us was 12/9/12. Sing with the angels Mac. “Remembering is easy. It's forgetting that's hard.”

Las Vegas here we come!!!!!!

Gosh, it's been a while since I've blogged. I finally have time to sit & write all my thoughts down. My brain has been on vacation I swear. I tried my hardest to focus on one thing at a time so I wouldn't out do myself. I've been known to over think myself to the point where I stress the heck out of myself. Call me weird but I can be the only person to actually admit that I can be annoying. That's horrible if you know you're annoying! hahahaha But that's because I can confuse myself for no apparent reason & know I have the answer. I just choose the decisions I make because I'm either lazy or it's the easier route. As my best friend describes me best "I'm a perfectionist & Procrastinator all at the same time". Who can you seriously say that about? I don't know if that's horrible or unique! How sad! lol

In any case, so much has gone on since the last time I blogged. W/ my father in law passing we ended up leaving our kids in California w/ their grandma to spend the rest of their summer. It helped us out so much though because w/ dad's funeral we were so behind on bills. We had to stop everything and fly out to Cali w/ lil' money we had. Than w/ the money we did get while out there had to go towards dads funeral etc. We got an eviction notice & I pleaded w/ my land lord to let me pay the full 2 months we were behind today. So glad she was understanding because I don't know what I would of done if my kids didn't have a place to come home to. It all worked out though.

So now my babies are coming home today w/ their aunties & grandma. I'm super excited. They're gonna drive down to Las Vegas & stay in a hotel & hang out & wait for us. How cute. My kids have had such a fun summer. It'll be even better being they get to end it in Vegas. :)

During the time we had w/o our children here in Utah my husband & I were able to hustle enough to get caught up w/ our rent & some of our bills. Haven't quite recovered from our fall out from the Cali trip & dads funeral but we're slowly getting there. I think everyone can relate anyhow being that every typical family lives paycheck to paycheck. I hate it. Especially when unexpected things happen & you don't have anything to help the situation. Ugh! With the busy mind I have you would think I would of already owned a shop w/ the things I've made or something. I threw that one out because that's what I want to do. lol The only thing I dread is that fact that I'm so picky I might kill myself over just picking the right wall color or something. hahaha I can never be satisfied I tell you. I am truly my own worst critic.

On another note, I've found a lot about myself this past year. If it wasn't for the help of my best friend Lepa ( I like to include her name because one day if someone reads this and doesn't know her she can become famous from my blog) hahahaha Not that I have friends that follow me that don't know her but yeah like I said she can become famous one day you never know! ROFL Eh, I'm running on about nothing. SO anyway she has really taught me about myself. I know that's hard to believe but I'm the type of person that has to be reminded of how some things are to be left alone. She knows me inside out and if I mention her too often it's because she is actually my only true best friend besides my sisters of course. Now that I have mentioned my sisters I find myself drifting off in thoughts of old memories together. Oh geez, I miss them. I better end on that note before I start crying. :*(

Soooooo besides me finding myself like an idiot would say years later! lol I've learned how to cope w/ the stressful times now. Because I know how I can be, I relax a lot more! I mean I was getting sick I think from stressing out all the time. But I'm a thinker so you can expect that.

Well enough of the mumbo jumbo. School is starting OMG. My babies are growing sooo fast. My eldest is going to 4th grade & just turned 9, my second eldest will be going to 2nd grade & will turn 8 in Sep, my daughter is going to 1st grade & turning 7 in Nov & my baby girl just turned 5 in Feb & is starting Kindergarten! Awwwwwww!!!! Lepa & I are thinking of throwing a lil' back to school party for our babies! They'll need a lil' party I think because the rest of the year is gonna be homework, studying & more homework! lol Shoo! BTW I just started working so I'm already exhausted thinking of how I'm gonna do it when my babies return home. I've done it before but I had help like my lil' cousin watching my babies for me while I work. I won't have that help any more so we have to work around each others schedule. Which means NO sleep! lol Kudos to working moms. :) I'm gonna do part time for now. My babies are young & I want to be present in their childhood as much as I can.

Well my mind is thinking of a whole lot of nothing so I think that means I'm tired or maybe I'm side tracked w/ all the future planning we have! lol Oh, I know what I'll do. I'm gonna go on my bff "LEPA" & my blog spot & post the stuff we made! It needs to be updated anyway! :) Til I blog later than! Toodles! lol